plato potatoILLUSTRATED MISADVENTURES
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DISPATCH 02 / KELSO / THE TROLLEY DIARIES

Culture. With some resistance.

A two-minute misadventure · Town notes and the trolley’s verdict below

Kelso illustrated travel poster

Kelso offered a handsome Square, an abbey and lunch. I began with the Square. FLW began with a gap between two cobbles. We spent some time pursuing our separate interests.

The buildings rewarded contemplation. Fortunately, contemplation was all that remained available. A couple nearby discussed where to go next. Neither minded. Both rejected every suggestion. I felt less alone.

A passer-by shifted me clear. To him it was tidying. To me it was the resumption of a life.

I continued to the abbey. The monks arrived in 1128; James III was crowned there in 1460. I arrived carrying a receipt for sandwich bags. Standards of visitor have declined.

The surviving stonework was magnificent. Recent conservation had allowed the abbey to reopen. I wondered whether BRW might qualify for similar funding. Apparently it helps to have been important before you began falling apart.

I admired it from outside. There was something reassuring about a ruin still being worth visiting. I have generally been valued for how much I can hold. Here was something admired for what it had lost.

Lunch required entering a café, ordering and eating. Three separate design faults on my part. I stood outside and enjoyed the general availability of soup.

A woman put an empty bottle in my basket. It rolled into a corner and settled. At last, somebody was getting comfortable on this holiday.

I returned to the Square with my new passenger. The cobbles rattled it gently. I had failed to obtain lunch, but no longer felt entirely empty. FLW found the original gap. Evidently we had booked a return visit.

Take Kelso home ↗

THE VERDICT

Kelso. From basket height.

Excellent architecture, punishing cobbles and lunch conducted entirely in theory. The abbey justified the outing; the bottle justified the basket. A modest success, provided you do not confuse lack of movement with lack of interest.

OVERALL HOLIDAY6/10Higher means a better day for the trolley.

Getting around on wheels

The Square is cobbled. A January 2026 wheelchair-user review of Off the Square café reports a ramp but tight circulation. Check current arrangements and your own space requirements.

Read the dated wheelchair-user review ↗Source checked 29 October 2026. Access needs vary; no numerical access rating is implied.